Is there something I should let go of to be able to move forward?

This is a great question to get you thinking about what it is that holds you back, from doing what it is, you want to do.

Please sit with this question for a few moments before reading any further.

I recall a time when so many things held me back from moving forward. FEAR was the main issue I had. I feared what people would think of me, I feared being a failure, truthfully, I even feared becoming successful.

You might think to yourself, I can understand the first two fears, but fearing becoming successful, what is that all about? Isn’t that what we all want?

What I have since learned about myself is that I had been lacking big time in self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. I was my own worst critic. I had a little bitch inside my head I call “Negative Nelly” constantly telling me I was no good, I couldn’t achieve what others had, I was a fraud, who was I to help people live happier lives? What do I know? (do any of these thoughts sound familiar?)  It was only when I learned to silence her or at least send her on vacation for a while, that I could see how much damage I was doing to myself with all this negative self-talk.

I had been bullied most of my life by adults, teachers, work colleagues, work supervisors, even my tutor who I had during my year spent studying to become a Life coach. I allowed Negative Nelly to play a big part in my thoughts about myself and so I allowed this behaviour in my life. I had no idea what boundaries were, so I never had any in place.  

Putting boundaries in place and eliminating tolerations one by one was truly life changing. I stopped allowing people to speak and treat me in anyway that made me feel uncomfortable.  That goes for my own negative thoughts as well. I became more assertive. Nellie was pushed gently to one side and Motivational Mary emerged.

It is since qualifying as a Life coach and then continuing my self-development studies I have become aware of who Mary Dunne is, not what other people had me believe about myself. I now like myself, there are times I even love myself; I have let go of a lot of the fears I had conditioned myself to have. I know I am worthy of success.  

I no longer fear what people think of me. There is a great saying ‘what others think or say about me is none of my business’.  I no longer fear being a failure.  I believe the saying “The only people who fail are those who have never tried”.

Success does not frighten me anymore. If there is something, I do not know there is always someone out there who will help. Success comes in many different forms, being a successful student, a successful parent, a successful business partner, achieving fame, achieving wealth, living a happy life is being successful.

So, when I sat with this question ‘Is there something I should let go of to be able to move forward’? my answer was “YES definitely”.   First and foremost, silence Nellie, let go of my fears, step out of my comfort zone, take chances, and believe, what is meant for me will not pass me by.

Motivational Mary is who I am today for both myself and my clients. Nellie has since taken a back seat.

Now I ask you to contemplate this same question,

‘Is there something you should let go of to be able to move forward’?

What Or Who Are You Beneath All Your Roles?

Photo taken from the Empowering Questions deck by Sunnypresent.com

Each time I work with a client just before I run through the values clarification exercise, I will always ask them “Who are you?”

And each time they will rattle off a load of roles, such as, I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a waitress, a cleaner, and it goes on. They find it so easy to tell me what role they play.  I then say to them again “Who are you? not the role that you play but the person that you are”.  Let us start by saying “I Am” ………………………..,  There is usually  complete silence for a while, and then the words “oh god, I don’t know how to answer that”.

I find this quite sad as it seems so many of us have no idea who we are until asked to put it into words, and even then, we must think about this question.

So, let me ask you, “Who are you”?

Are you compassionate?  Are you kind?  Are you loving?  Are you curious?  Are you respectful?  Are you Private? and the list can go on and on.

We are all different and so we will all have our own set of values. These values make up who we are at our very core. They will also be seen in the roles that we play, but it is in knowing that we are not the role, but the real person beneath the role that is important.

Amazingly when we are young, this is when we are sure of who we are.  I asked this same question to my nine-year-old nephew a couple of months ago, he had absolutely no problem whatsoever in telling me who he is.  Is it because at his age he does not focus on roles? Is it that he has not lost himself because of roles he plays or life’s lessons? If a child can be so sure of who he is at that young age, what has happened to us as adults to have to think about who we are?

I run self-awareness workshops. These are run over six weeks at two hours per night. It is amazing to see adults become aware again of who they are, and not just the roles they play. These ladies usually leave feeling so much more confident and new goals usually are put in place.  

So, let me finish this blog by telling you who I am. I am a Life, confidence, and mindset coach. (This is my role) I Am, Kind, compassionate, caring, loving, loyal, non-judgmental, respectful, easy to talk to, down to earth, and so much more.

Now let me ask you again, “Who are you?

What Does Happiness Mean To You?

Taken from the Empowering Questions Deck by Sunnypresent.com

Have you ever just sat in complete stillness and asked yourself “what does happiness mean to me?”

I see it so many times, and I must confess that at one point in time, I thought what made me happy was materialistic items. I wanted to keep up with the Jones, whoever the jones are. Here is another question, who are these Jones? They have a lot to answer to.

Anyway, it took me many years to realise that happiness comes from within. Not in what you have but in what you are grateful for. I am rich beyond belief. I have a wonderful family, I have great friends, I have a nice home, I am no longer full of stress because of a job, I now see beauty all around me. I am fortunate to live in the country and not too far from beautiful beaches, where I absolutely love to walk.

These are all things that I have had my whole life but could not see or appreciate. I took them for granted. I was completely blinded. I thought if I had the latest fashion it would make me happy. I love shoes, and I will admit I was very happy when I bought a new pair, but once they had been worn a few times they just became another pair of shoes, so the hedonistic happiness didn’t last long.

The same can be said when I bought my first brand new car. Oh, I was so excited going shopping for it, buying it, and collecting it. I was so proud of the fresh number plate. Again, the hedonistic happiness was there but within a couple of months it was just a car. A lot of years were spent saying “when I have this …………… I will be happy, when I have that ……………….. I will be happy”. And I was for a time, but this kind of hedonistic happiness does not last.

The type of happiness I strive for now is so different, I now look at my wellbeing as my greatest factor for happiness. Am I happy mentally, physically, and spiritually?

With less stress in my life yes, I am happier mentally. I have Fybromyalgia, so physically I am not 100% but I could be so much worse. On days I am not feeling so bad, I get up, show up and get on with life. I am grateful for all that I have. Am I happy spiritually? Yes, I am.

One of my favourite sayings is “This is not a rehearsal” we have been blessed with this life and how we go through it is up to us. Each and everyone one of us has been given the gift of free will, so we can choose to be happy with what we have or miserable wanting what someone else has. I know the choice I have made. What choice have you made?

Make a deal with yourself this week. Sit with a cup of Tea, coffee, or whatever your choice of beverage, and think about the question, “What Does Happiness Mean To Me”?

Have a pen and paper at the ready and write down your answer. Is it materialistic items that make you happy or are you happy within?

Are you happy Mentally, Physically and Spiritually?

Here are a few tips to help you live a happier life:

  • Find purpose and meaning
  • Step out of your comfort zone
  • Look for happiness even if life is hard at times
  • Express gratitude
  • Eliminate negative thoughts
  • Take regular exercise
  • Practice Mindfulness
  • Stop comparing your life with others.

Perspectives. What do they mean to us?

Perspectives. What do they mean to us?

I have clients who come to me with certain issues they want to work through. We find that most of the time it is when they see things from a different perspective that they have their Aha moment.

Sharing the thoughts that you have going around your head like a hamster in a wheel is all it takes. When we remove these thoughts from out of our head and share them, they can be viewed and questioned differently which can then lead to a different perspective.

Our thoughts if negative can be soul destroying. We have a thought, this thought then goes on to create a feeling inside of us, it can bring up feelings and emotions that question our self-worth, our self esteem can be damaged, friendships and relationships damaged, work relationships can be damaged to name just a few. These feelings then go on to create our actions and depending on what that action is, it will lead us to a result. This is usually not a happy result.

Let me just give you an example of such a result which I personally think is very sad. This is a story I overheard while waiting to see my GP.

A couple went to the beautiful city of Rome. While there, they visited the Vatican. They thought this was one of the most beautiful places in the world, although church is not somewhere, they frequent when here at home, but they still have their beliefs. Her husband was wearing a cross and chain which his wife says, ‘he never takes off’, this had been gifted to him by his mother several years earlier.

Mother and son had become estranged earlier, a family squabble which had never been sorted. His mother became unwell but still they remained estranged. A thought came to her husband while in one of the churches, it was to have the cross blessed and give it to his mother when they returned from their holiday.

On their return her husband gave his treasured chain to his sister and asked her to hand it to his mother explaining that it had been blessed just for her. His sister did as was asked of her but sadly when she gave the chain to her mother, she perceived that he had just given her back the chain she had given him all those years ago, believing he did not want it any more and was hurt by this.

The moral of this story is that each person had their own thought about the cross and chain. The son doing what he thought was a beautiful gesture for the mother he loves, and his mother thinking he was insulting her by giving back a present once given to him with love.

This is a prime example of the same circumstance but because both had a different thought about this circumstance these thoughts created different emotions and feelings which then created different actions and results. The only thing that resulted from this sad story is that both mother and son are still estranged.

The most important thing I can stress here is to listen to people, see things from their point of view along with your own. We all have our own beliefs about things, but these beliefs need not be written in stone. Religion is another prime example. Each religion believes theirs is the one true god and no religion will relent and say, ‘your right’. At the same time, I have my own beliefs but how do I know for sure that my religion is the true religion? I don’t and can’t possibly know for sure, so I respect other people’s views. Just because they don’t have the same view as us does not mean they are right or wrong.

Try seeing things from a different perspective and many wars, arguments and estrangements could be avoided.

What is your gift to the world?

Taken from pixabay.com

This is a question I pulled from the Empowering Questions deck of cards by sunnypresent.com. What is my gift to the world?

So my question to you the reader is What is your gift to the world?.

Each and everyone of us have a purpose, some of us know what that purpose is and more of us have never stopped long enough to ask ourself what is our purpose or gift we would like to share with the world.

I must say that at first I was unsure how to answer this. So I just relaxed and though honestly. Here are my thoughts on what my gift is…..

I like to think that I always leave people feeling good about themselves. I am kind and compassionate, loving, interested in other people’s issues and trying to help them though these issues whatever they may be. I am not judge-mental, so I never look down my nose at others and I am not at all interested in gossip. A great quote from one of my dad’s friends is “We have enough to be doing minding our own business without minding others”. I really love this quote as it sums up exactly how I feel about gossip.

I became a Life coach so I could help people to become confident, help with their self-esteem, help them to change any negative thoughts they may be holding on to, and generally helping them to believe that they can do anything they set their mind to assuming they want it bad enough. To step outside of their comfort zone and become the best version of themselves.

So I guess to sum it up, my gift to the world is, I am always there for anyone who needs an ear, for anyone who needs help in anyway, for anyone who wants to feel better about themselves and to tell people to just be your own authentic self. You are special whether you believe it or not. Like snowflakes there is not one other person in this entire world the same as you. Enjoy being unique. So, my question now to you is What is your gift to the world?”

Take your time and just answer this question honestly and be proud of what you decide your gift is, because we all leave an imprint on this world.

This is proved at any funeral I have ever been to. It is just sad that all of the wonderful things said about us when we die are not verbalised when we are alive. A kind word, a compliment, acknowledgement for achievements we have had, all of these beautiful words are wasted on us when we die. We need to hear them when we are alive. Start with yourself, think about the person you are and share this with the world.

So again I ask “What is your gift to the world”?

Have you ever thought about how one small word can have such a huge effect on our lives?

I was standing in a queue awhile ago and I overheard two ladies talking. One lady said to the other, “fair play to …………………. (They were talking about another person) She has achieved so much. I would love to be like her but” ………………………………..

This got me thinking about how powerful one tiny word “BUT” can be.

“B, U, T” 3 letters that make up one small word which can make a huge difference to how we live our lives.

This word causes us to bring a negative mindset to the fore.

Ask yourself this question. How many times over your life to date have you said the same thing as this lady? I would love to be like him/her but………………………………. I would love to have achieved that BUT ……………………………………………

BUT what?

  • But I am not good enough
  • But I am not smart enough
  • But I am too old
  • But I am not confident enough
  • But I would not have the money to do that
  • But I did not finish school /college
  • But I was not born to a rich family
  • But I have had to put others before myself

I am sure there are many other reasons to say BUT.

What has this 3-letter word done? It has taken us from any kind of a positive mindset we may have been in, into a negative one.

It has held you back. It is a million excuses why you are still where you are. YES excuses!!!!!!!

Now this is perfectly fine if you are happy where you are, BUT do not look back in years to come regretting what might have been and having let three letters, one tiny word stop you from fulfilling your goals and dreams.

Each time you feel a but coming on, ask yourself are these thoughts true? Is there any reality to them?

Stop and analyse your BUT. Change this word to two equally short words and a more positive way of looking at things. Say “I CAN” and mean it. Then get out there and visualise how you CAN achieve your goal. What options do you have? What resources might you need to get you there? Choose the option you are happy with and put an action plan in place to get you to your desired goal and then ACT. It really is as simple as that.

And if all else fails, give me a call and we can get you there together. Remember these words if you are having any self doubt

You are never too old, and it is never too late to achieve anything you set your mind to”. -Anon

Hi. I am Mary from YANA Life coach service and welcome to my blog.

Yana Life Coach

Wow, I am sitting here shaking. I have taken yet another step outside of my comfort zone to write this.

I am an accredited Life Coach and am a work in constant progress. A little about myself perhaps, well I suffered with low self esteem and little confidence for may years. Life had thrown me a few punches and I was knocked down for quite awhile. I won’t bore you with the details or maybe I will at times when I write here, but only ever to let you know You Are Not Alone as my business name YANA stands for.

I became a Life coach in 2016 and boy was that when I came alive and life kicked started again. I learned so much about myself, how resilient I am. I learned to love and trust myself again. I learned that staying in that place we call our comfort…

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Hi. I am Mary from YANA Life coach service and welcome to my blog.

Wow, I am sitting here shaking. I have taken yet another step outside of my comfort zone to write this.

I am an accredited Life Coach and am a work in constant progress. A little about myself perhaps, well I suffered with low self esteem and little confidence for many years. Life had thrown me a few punches and I was knocked down for quite awhile. I won’t bore you with the details or maybe I will at times when I write here, but only ever to let you know You Are Not Alone as my business name YANA stands for.

I became a Life coach in 2016 and boy was that when I came alive and life kicked started again. I learned so much about myself, how resilient I am. I learned to love and trust myself again. I learned that staying in that place we call our comfort zone was not so comfortable. I became confident again.

My greatest joy in life apart from my wonderful family and friends is to help others to find themselves and to see for themselves how resilient, rescourseful, strong, and wonderful they are. To see them achieve their goals. To watch them as they become aware of what they are truly capable of when they take that first step and then the next out of that so called comfort zone.

I hope my blogs will inspire you, I hope you will find quality reading although I am not a writer but I am going to do it anyway. As the title of Susan Jeffers book says, Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Never mind the words “One giant step for mankind” This is one giant step for Mary of Yana Life coach service.